Struggling

I have pictures all over my house. Now it's kind of haunting me because it's pictures of better times. Times I wish I could go back and enjoy more. It reminds me of how Chris use to be, and I miss it so much. I wish I could wake up and all this be a nightmare.

This is so hard to do this day after day. I miss my husband so much. He now just lays in bed all day. He takes a few naps every day. I hate watching him walk around because he is so skinny and looks like he could just fall. He struggles to eat just a sandwhich.

I miss having him just be around. It's hard having to do it all. I try to have faith and hope that everything will be okay. I try to be positive for him, but it's so hard. I feel like I'm failing. There's so much that he is missing and it kills me. The hardest thing is seeing the person you love the most suffer. Health really is everything.

a little update...

Chris- He's doing a little better. He's hasn't bleed for two weeks, going the bathroom less, and he's eating enough to maintain his weight. But we really need him to up the eating. He has been in the 140's for a little over two months. He's really skinny and weak. He stays in bed all day. For the past couple of days he has gotten on his computer. Something that small makes me happy. I really ready for him to get better. It's been a long few months. I have faith that he will be back soon!!

Owen- He's 99 % potty trained!! He has only had one accident in about 4 days!! He lets me know when he needs to go and says mommy dry dry and run to the potty. He thinks he needs candy everytime!! He is speaking a lot and really starting to put sentences together. His favorite right now...Mommy, what you doing?   I hear something Mommy!! He loves to sing and dance!! He loves dinosaurs and trains. I can't believe he will be 3 so soon!!

Me-I'm hanging in there. There are some tough days! I don't know how I am handling all this really...but I am doing the best I can. I'm now over 26 weeks pregnant and pretty ready for this baby. This pregnancy has been pretty easy, I'm so thankful!! My dr joked the more stress I have the better the pregnancy! :) I've been organizing and getting ready for baby and holidays!!

Cooper-He moves around like crazy especially at night. He keeps me up a lot!! I feel a lot bigger than I did with Owen!! I can't wait to see what this kid looks like and give him cuddles!! Oh can't wait to meet you Coop!! :)

25 weeks!!!

Update on us!

The past few months have been crazy, stressful, emotional, the hardest of my life, tears flowing, celebrating little steps....just I can't believe this is happening to us! A year ago I would've never guessed this is where we would be.

We were at my parent's for the month of August. I'm so thankful for their love and support and just being there. It's hard trying to do this all!! Chris has had two blood transfusions, about to have another one. He's been taking to the er by ambulance from passing out when we got home. He's still on the picc line and maybe only has two weeks left. He has had two loading dosage of the remicade. He has fallen while I was trying to get him to the bathroom and hit his eye on a fan. He's staying strong in the 140's...I passed him up. He has some days where he eats and others he takes two bites and he is full. He has a lot of pain in his colon. He is bleeding less and taking less trips to the bathroom. There's small improvments. But he's very weak and spends most of his days in bed watching tv.

This has been so hard. It's hard seeing your husband, your best friend not being able to enjoy life, all the small moments, and just being with his family. I try so hard to stay positive and help in anyway I can..but I have my days where I'm just a mess. This has been the hardest days. I love Chris so much. My heart breaks for him. I wish I could do more, be more for him.

I have to have more faith, hope, pray more...and believe that miracles do happen. I truly miss my husband.

24 weeks!

How far along? 24 weeks! :) We made it to my baby can survive out of my womb! HUGE milestone!!
Weight Gain: Probably around 10 pounds eekkk!! I'm a little food emotional crazy eating!!
Sleep: Well with helping Chris, getting up to pee, and a toddler...yeah what do you think! Bring on a newborn!
Best moment of the week: Just being home and starting to put the nursery together and getting excited about Cooper joining us soon!
Things I miss: being able to bend, shave my legs is getting a little tough, being able to play wrestle with Owen, just being a family
Look forward to: Chris being healthy and just enjoying being a family and getting Cooper here.