The past few weeks have taken forever. It feels like so much time has passed since I found out sprout was gone. So much has changed. So many things have happened. My life is different now. I'm trying to learn how to deal with life now. I feel a little lost. I don't know if I've been able to grieve this loss yet.

A really hot mess...

I just realized it's been four weeks since I started having my miscarriage and who decided to show their ugly face Aunt Flow...my period, almost to the hour when I started the miscarriage. I only got a two week break of no bleeding...ugh this is an ugly reminder. It makes me feel all ugghh again. It brings back all the pain...that yep I'm not pregnant! I loss my baby. Thanks. The cramps, the bloating, the feeling ugly, the messy cry...that's where I am. I so want my baby back. I should be six weeks away from giving birth to my baby I loss in June...I should be 14 weeks with this little one. Now I don't know when we will get to try again or if it will ever happen. But why am I so worried about this where there is so much going on...

my hubby!!! The last few weeks have been a blur...with him being sick and in and out of doctor appointments and hosptial visit and throwing up in the middle of the night and trying to get him to eat. It's been crazy! I'm glad that we met with the gi doctor yesterday and there is a plan in action and trying to find the right medication and get this flare down and chris gaining weight and feeling normal...whatever that means. I just want to scream. I don't know how to handle this and sometimes I haven't been enough or strong enough...and this is my life.

and then my dogs...we lost our dogs today...and my whole heart is sad.

Changes..

Chris having ulcerative colitis is going to change how we do things around here...especially with cooking. I've been searching all day for recipies and how we are going to do this as a family. I'm going to do my best!!!

Life..

All I do is seem to talk about my problems. I feel like it's taking over my life. ahhhhh!!!!!

two weeks.

It's been two weeks and two days since I lost our little one. I think about it everyday. I feel broken.